Posts

If you Feel Lost in Life, This is for You

Posted on September 17, 2023

Video version of this post:

Let me start by asking you a simple question:

What is the meaning of life?

Well, maybe it's not so simple...

Let me give you my answer: There is no meaning. 

This may sound slightly nihilistic but don't take it that way. On the contrary, the fact that life has no meaning is beautiful! 

Why? Because YOU can give life meaning. You know, we humans are meaning-making machines. All religions, cultures, and society itself is a human construction. And there is no inherent truth to it. I love to think and contemplate cool ideas. That's why I started this thing, after all. I've always been passionate about learning and "connecting the dots." Yet, I'm aware that all these concepts are ultimately imaginary. 

The thing is, there are two ways of living life:

Most people choose the second option because finding your purpose in life is quite arduous. I'm not gonna lie to you. 

Finding your life purpose is about knowing who you are and living your life according to it. Sadly, most of us live pretty inauthentic lives. Worst of all, we are not aware of that. You may believe you are pretty authentic, but chances are, you are not.

The problem is, if you wait for society to give you a Life purpose, chances are, it will be different from what you want. 

The result? A miserable life. 

No matter how much money you make or the success or fame you get, you will resent your life deep down. You will bullshit yourself and get distracted. Yes, you may have a nice car, house, and family, but none of that will fulfill you if you live an inauthentic life. 

Life Purpose: the ultimate personal development tool

Let me tell you something if you are a self-improvement junkie like me. Finding and working towards your Life purpose is the fastest way of growing yourself. Why? Because it helps you discover who you really are. To discover your life purpose, you will need to know quite some things about yourself:

among others. Otherwise, you may choose something not aligned with your principles. Over time, this will create a disconnect between your authentic Self and your life. The end result? Insatisfaction with life. You will get depressed or angry. You will have a hard time waking you up in the mornings. You will numb yourself with alcohol, video games, or porn and start losing control over your life. In other words, you become an NPC.

Let me be clear here. I'm not blaming you for that. It's very easy to become an NPC these days. It's scarily easy. Heck, even I was one for a long time! So, I'm not telling you this from a place of authority but from my experience (more about that later). 

I want to tell you that you are not alone here. I want to take your hand and walk with you if you are having a dark moment in your life right now. Or even if you think life is quite good but not great, I want to tell you that your life can be great. It's your birthright.

Should I settle instead?

Sadly, there is so much BS in our society that it is very easy to believe their message:

Let me tell you a secret: this is all a big pile of BS. 

But I know that it is pretty challenging to stop believing those messages. You may have one or more of the following questions:

What if I choose the wrong life purpose? Life is not rigid. There will be a lot of twists during the journey. You don't know where the path will lead until you don't start walking it. You may discover new purposes along the way! Arguing with your ass on the couch won't move you forward.

What if I fail? First, remember that Failure = Improvement. You need to reframe failure as something good. It's necessary for your success. It is helpful to think long-term. We are talking about your net 5-10 years of your life. You will learn new skills and improve the existing ones by making mistakes. For most people, one big success is all that it takes. Most people quit just before succeeding. 

What if my vision is "impossible"? Ultimately, you don't know what is impossible. It may be impossible now because you lack the skills and training, but in 10 years, it may become a reality. We tend to overestimate our short-term goals but underestimate our long-term goals. 

What if I'm not passionate about anything? It could be for one of the following two reasons:

I have a Life purpose. Should I quit my job tomorrow? Not so fast. Don't be reckless. You will need an escape plan. You have to be strategic about it. Don't be a fool.

How do I find my Life purpose? That's a difficult question. Here, I'm not giving you a step-by-step formula. This would require a lot of hours. But there are courses out there about finding your purpose in life. This is about opening your eyes to the possibility. Since I'm also honing my Life purpose, I will write more about it in the future.

Conclusion: a little story

I want to finish this post by telling you about my experience trying to find my life purpose. I will try to resume 10+ years of my life concisely. The purpose of telling you about it is to show you the mistakes I've made and that I'm walking the path with you. 

I've always been interested in doing something meaningful with my life. But I always struggled with finding the "perfect career." My interests were all over the place: 

But today, society constantly tells us we must choose and follow one path until we retire. I found this idea problematic, but I didn't know better. Thus, I enrolled in engineering at the university. 

I discovered pretty soon that this was the wrong path. I dreaded the vision of myself working in an office. So, I took it seriously to find something else to do. I love freedom, and Engineering wasn't a good fit. 

Soon, I discovered that real mathematics differs from those taught at school. I found that mathematics wasn't applying formulas but proving theorems. And that mathematics was a very alive field up to this day. I found the idea of becoming a mathematician quite fascinating: having the freedom to do your own stuff and being paid for that; hell yeah! 

So I switched to mathematics, and I did pretty well, being usually between the 3 best students each year. But I knew from the beginning that I wasn't a math genius, and the only way to become excellent at it was by working my ass off. I studied hard during my bachelor's to get the best grades possible and learn the most. 

I also discovered personal development by then, so I started to learn that. I knew mastery would take time, but I could excel by putting in enough effort. But there was a little problem: I wasn't that passionate about maths. Yeah, the idea of becoming a researcher was great (after all, the freedom from there was a great driver to it). However, the concept of teaching never sparked great excitement in me. Also, I had to give up my life during my 20s and 30s to get a position in academia. But then I would be free, or that's what I believed. 

During my personal development journey, I discovered I wanted to become a sort of "independent researcher" because my interests are so diverse. Also, I found the idea of connecting the dots fascinating –the more you learn, the more you see that everything is related. But again, I didn't see this as a viable life path back then, so I continued my career by doing a PhD in maths. The freedom there was quite significant, and I enjoyed much independence. I also learned research skills and others like resilience, intrinsic motivation, self-discipline, etc. 

But also I had some sour moments. After all, I was working on a project given by my advisor, so it wasn't something I was crazy passionate about. But I went through it. After all, at some point in the future, I will have the freedom to choose my own problems, or that's what I thought. 

Long story short, I graduated with the best grade and got a prize in my university for the best thesis. Also, I landed a postdoc job in Germany after applying only for this job. So, my career seemed promising. 

I also started to see the dark side of academia. The smell of egos there stinks pretty bad. And even back then, I didn't understand why people took things so personally. I was somewhat naïve but didn't pay much attention to it. 

After finishing my Ph.D, I headed to Germany to start my postdoc. I was excited and had already started working on a promising project with my soon-to-be advisor there. Things were moving, great! But again, it wasn't MY project. But at least I didn't have to come up with something myself. And even though I enjoyed what I was working on, I wasn't thrilled by it. It wasn't bad, but also not great. 

Along the way, I started seeing more academic bullshit, politics, etc. The professors during the semester had little time for research after the teaching and bureaucratic duties. But at least they had tenure, so I wouldn't complain (or that's what I thought back then). 

Long story short, at the beginning of this year. I started working on a new, important project that would solve an old conjecture. I worked on that day in and day out 6 times a week. I became obsessed with it. After all, solving this problem would lead to a significant advance in my academic career. So I worked, and worked and worked… and worked. Yes, it was exhausting, but the prize was also grand. I'm also good with self-discipline, so I'm OK doing whatever it takes to accomplish my goals. 

But after around 8 months of working on it, a considerable problem arose, breaking me. This started a race against time that put a lot of pressure on me. We had to solve the problem, and FAST. 

By then, I was exhausted and scared. After all, all this time for nothing? All my dreams were shattered, and I didn't know what to do. I was full of anxiety and fear. But I couldn't afford to rest; the stakes were high. 

However, my body and mind couldn't take it anymore. Ideas of suicide came. I was lost and hopeless. And my career was over. So I gave up. I gave up on my identity, my goals, and everything. In short, to my inauthentic life. This was enough. So I called my advisor in tears, telling him I was burned out and needed a two-week vacation. After all, I didn't care anymore whether the project would succeed or fail. And this day, I decided to stop with the bullshit and a life I didn't want. This was my last opportunity. 

So, during the two weeks, I worked like crazy to start this project. The burnout disappeared. I had more energy than ever. But I also took it easy. All the mental worries and fears faded. I felt reborn and full of life again. 

I am still determining where this will lead, but I have a great vision. And a burning passion. And I will do whatever it takes to accomplish it. I don't care whether it will succeed or not. But I want a life with zero regrets. I cannot afford more regrets. I spent almost 30 years living a life that wasn't mine. Now, I feel like I was born again. 

So, is it too late? Hell no. It's NEVER late. You may need to endure pain and suffering until you decide it's enough. You may need to reach rock bottom as I did. Otherwise, you will always distract yourself and think that it's not that bad enough. 

But be careful because many people in my situation would have killed themselves. I think it saved me that I did a lot of personal development along the way and some spiritual work. But a lot of people don't see a way out. So be careful. 

Back to Posts