30 lessons I learned before turning 30 (Part 2)
Posted on November 26, 2023
Video version of this post:
This is part 2 of my 3-part series titled “30 lessons I learned before turning 30.” If you haven’t checked the first part, I recommend you do it first since it includes the first 10 lessons.
Next to each lesson, I add a small commentary for context and further explanation. The list is not in any particular order.
Without further ado, here is the second part of the list with lessons 11 to 20.
11) The importance of meditation
Everyone knows that meditation is good for many reasons. I meditate mainly to connect with my “true
essence.” This may sound esoteric, but I can feel a profound sense of peace and well-being that
few other experiences can match. The best thing is that you can do it anytime and it costs nothing.
Yet, it took me several years to reach a decent level of meditation. I always struggled with the constant need of my mind to come up with thoughts. This overthinking problem makes the meditation of most people ineffective and very frustrating. An excellent antidote to this I found recently was repeating a mantra inside your mind. Ideally, the sound doesn’t make sense to you, so the mantra fills your mind with noise, and that ends up improving your focus.
12) Put yourself in the shoes of others to understand the world
Have you experienced situations where others’ behavior seems crazy? I bet you have. I used to be
quite judgemental of people who (I thought) their ideas or behaviors were wrong. The problem is that I
was trying to understand them from my point of view. On the other hand, the behavior will be justified
for the other person.
If you ask them why they do what they do, you will get a glimpse at their way of seeing the world. This
doesn’t justify their acts (especially when talking about criminal behavior). But at least it
helped me develop a sense of empathy for others and better understand this apparently crazy world we
live in.
I also apply this lesson to my older self. I still criticize my stupid behavior in the past and how a
fool I was. But then I realized I am who I am because of my past self, and it couldn’t be
otherwise. My future self will probably think that my present self is a fool, which humbles me.
I find it remarkable that despite all our differences, we can cooperate and live in a society. In this
diverse world, learning to live and understand radically different worldviews is a necessity if we
don’t want to kill each other.
13) The importance of a healthy body (and taking care of it)
This point also seems obvious. However, I want to emphasize that theoretical knowledge and embodiment are
very different. After all, a significant proportion of the world’s population suffers chronic
illnesses. Most can be avoided with a healthy diet and physical movement.
Personally, I grew up with access to a lot of junk food, which made me overweight until around 16. But
one day, I got fed up with this situation and decided I didn’t want to be fat anymore. So, I
removed all the garbage from my diet, and in a couple of months, all the extra weight was lost. Since
then, I’ve always been interested in physical exercise and eating healthy.
What is optimal for each of us is highly individual. It’s a personal discovery. For example, I used to eat lots of animal products daily, and I was constantly getting stomach issues. Once I removed them from my diet (around 4 years ago), I’ve never experienced this situation again. But I wouldn’t recommend this sort of diet to everyone.
The same applies to physical exercise. Personally, I hate cardio, but I love lifting weights. Also, I did
yoga for some years, and I enjoyed it. The important thing is to move our butts more often and enjoy
it.
14) All fears are illusory
Here, I’m talking about psychological fears. It’s easy to see that fears are imaginary, at
least theoretically, since not all people fear the same things. For example, I may fear flying, but most
people don’t. Deep down, all fears are created by our minds to protect our identity and worldview.
If you understand what your mind is trying to protect, you can let go of it. As a consequence, the fear
will automatically disappear.
For example, suppose you are afraid of failure in your career. In that case, it’s maybe because
your identity is tied to your career or because you may be afraid of being homeless. You may also
believe that failure is bad. If you peel the onion, you will find at the bottom a list of beliefs about
yourself and reality that justify this fear. So, if you overcome those limiting beliefs, the fear
becomes groundless and cannot be justified anymore.
I used to live in constant fear, but the problem is that we cannot see it until we are liberated from it.
Most of our worries and anxieties come from fears that are not necessary. This created unnecessary
suffering and pain. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
I made a special
post about fears, explaining their mechanics and how to eliminate them.
15) Peace of mind is the ultimate happiness
The concept of happiness is vast, and many books have been written about this concept.
For a long time, I thought I would be happy if X happened, where X can be money, success, and women.
Also, I thought that playing video games made me happy (instead, it was more of a distraction). The
problem with the former is that they can come and go. If you don’t have them, you feel
dissatisfied. But once you get them, you become afraid of losing them. This creates a Catch-22.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with them. The problem is when we tie our happiness to them and become
attached (I made a special
post about attachment and the suffering it causes). Ideally, we should be happy by
ourselves and not depend on external circumstances.
On the other hand, when I meditate, being by myself in profound quietness fills me with joy and peace of
mind. Spending time with loved ones has a similar effect. I would say that BEING (instead of DOING)
fulfills us in life. This simple remark can change your life 180 degrees if you design your life
according to this principle.
16) Acquiring material stuff won’t make you happy
I remember the excitement I used to get when receiving as a gift a new video game or console as a kid, to
be bored the next day. As I grew up, the same applied to computers, clothes, gadgets, etc.
The problem is the same: we get excited about what we want beforehand. But after a few days, the new
object becomes part of our daily lives and no longer produces excitement. This creates a cycle of buying
stuff to maintain the dopamine rush.
It took me some time to realize that this would never work. Since then, I have bought stuff only when
necessary. It doesn’t excite me anymore, so I don’t get easily tempted.
Still, I’m aware and grateful for having access to so much stuff compared to my parents. It’s
easy to take for granted the abundance we have in some parts of the world, and because of that, we can
move to higher forms of fulfillment in life. After all, doing philosophy is impractical when you have to
worry about survival.
17) The importance of getting the answers yourself (and not relying always on others)
This lesson seems to contradict others about the importance of consuming good quality content. However, the point here is that it’s not enough to take the ideas from others as beliefs. I’ve used to consume lots of self-improvement content, and this makes you feel you have learned a lot. However, a lot of times, it’s just mental masturbation. It’s easy to get trapped in cool concepts and ideas and believe you are improving yourself. But if these ideas don’t fit your reality, they are useless.
Life is about embodying principles. Undoubtedly, learning from teachers and books can give us a starting
point. They can open the window to new paradigms and ideas. But at some point, we have to learn to trust
our own wisdom.
One of the most powerful tools to get answers by yourself is to reflect on your life, also called
contemplation. You can sit quietly for 30 minutes with a pen and paper or a computer and start by asking
a question about your personal life. The important point is to ground your answers in your direct
experience and avoid referring to other people’s ideas.
This exercise may sound complicated and unnecessary. After all, why waste my time coming up with my own
answers if people smarter than me have thought about this for years? The thing is, each one of our lives
is unique, and no teacher will know your situation better than yourself. Also, coming up with your own
answers will make your learning 10X faster, and they will be easier to apply in your life. I know that
it doesn’t sound appealing, but it will change your life.
18) Your past doesn’t reflect your future
We put lots of value on our personal story that defines who we are. If we tend to act in a certain way in
the past, we will likely continue behaving in the same way. After all, that’s “who we
are.” But this is a limitation. It’s not written anywhere that we should behave similarly
all the time. And it can be a severe limitation to our personal growth.
Ultimately, personal growth is about changing ourselves and removing old limitations. And our personal
story can, at times, be a serious limiting factor. For example, for many of us, changing careers can be
very frightening, especially if you are doing fine in your actual job. Trying to do something else can
negatively affect your sense of self. This is especially true for those of us whose careers are
intimately tied to our identity. The same can be applied to any character traits we have but would like
to change, like lack of confidence and shyness, for example.
In summary, you can always change yourself, no matter your past.
19) The importance of emotions
I used to neglect my emotions pretty much my whole life. I’m a pretty left-brained person, and I
used to believe that my decisions were 100% rational. What a delusion.
Most of us believe we are rational people when, in fact, many of our decisions are based on emotions. And
then, we use logic and reason to justify those emotional decisions. As a consequence, learning to
understand your emotions is of utter importance. In particular, learning how to deal with the so-called
“negative” emotions such as anger, fear, sadness, and loneliness. In these states, we
usually make the worst decisions. Here is where meditation (point 11) becomes a handy tool.
On the other hand, we are not talking about repressing those emotions here. Quite the contrary. Emotions
are a feedback message, and we need to interpret this message appropriately to evolve in our quest for
personal growth.
20) The power of surrender
I used to be quite obsessed with control. I wanted to control my life and future so that everything
worked perfectly. Up to a certain point, it is a good idea to have self-discipline and be goal-oriented
in life. Otherwise, you won’t go anywhere in life. But there is a slippery slope between healthy
and obsessing levels of control.
The thing is, no matter how great you plan your life, shit happens. And a lack of flexibility will
produce lots of unnecessary suffering in your life (as it occurred to me). It took me many of those
“shit happens” situations until I could see the bigger picture: reality is bigger than any
one of us. No matter how influential you are, you will still be a speck of dust in the grand scheme of
things. And often, going with the flow is the best way.
I still struggle with this one, but I’m becoming better at developing those flexibility muscles. Learning to take life whenever it comes is challenging, especially when it doesn’t seem pleasant.
Which lessons did you like the most? Feel free to leave a comment!
And stay in tune for part 3.
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